Sorry another long post..........
Well I've been taking the new medication for about 3 weeks now (had to increase them) but I think they're starting to have some effect. My thoughts are starting to slow down a little and for all I'm still sleeping poorly I think it's a little better than it was. The down side of them very, very bizarre life like dreams and extremely sore joints (back and wrists especially). I did convince my GP to prescribe some different sleeping pills and they do give me 4 - 6 hours solid sleep but leave me feeling hung over and uncoordinated but if I only take them on the weekend that in itself is an improvement (1 or 2 nights sleep per week).
I took Debbie's advice and have a little notebook full of things that give me pleasure and also my UFO's and projects I plan to do this year. I look in this book when I'm feeling lost or when I plan to do something and I "tick" off each bit as I do it. It might only be choosing fabric or the thread for a stitchery but each "tick" is an achievement. I consciously don't set out to complete a project in one go then I can't "fail".
I'm still not able to do anything "new" by that I mean make anything using a pattern/tutorial I haven't used before but that will come in time for all it's quite frustrating at the moment as when I'm "me" I can do that!!
For all I'm having more good days it doesn't take much to make the anxiety and stress to resurface. I sat both my DD's down and explained in more detail what's wrong with me and asked them both to take on a little more responsibility around the house and so far so good. I've made some compromises and met them 1/2 way (being a perfectionist; this is a big step for me). I'm making my days simpler which in turn makes them less stressful. Once DD2 has gone to school I go for a 2.5km walk with our Labrador (depending how the she feels!) and then I really don't plan anything I just do whatever I feel like. Some days I have things I must do but I try not to have 2 days running where I do. I try and do some craft each day as this is really good for my soul.
I'm no nearer work the psychiatrist report says it will be weeks even months before I'm ready..... Not sure how I feel about that (I certainly have no desire to return to my current role). My rehab consultant is away on leave until 28/4/14 so I'm guessing nothing much will change before then (which is a relief). I haven't seen or heard from my managers since my last case conference but will have to take them my new certificate on Friday (not really looking forward to that as I'm not sure how I'll be received). My GP feels I'm not yet able to make a decision regarding what I'm going to do but I feel I'm at a crossroads; luckily I have some time think through all my options before I need to decide which path to take.
Blogging about this journey is helping immensely and maybe it will help someone else too. The support from "Blog Land" is unbelievable and I thank each and everyone of you; "virtual" support is just as important as the "real" support.