As you know I've been struggling with anxiety and depression for a while now; I started a different medication in May and I think it's starting to have a positive effect now the dose has been increased. My anxiety isn't as bad - it's always there but bearable the majority of the time I liken it to having a knot in the centre of my chest, most of the time it's just there and grey but as the anxiety increases so does the size of the knot and it's colour to a very vibrant red....
I've given it a name "Miss Knotty" the idea is by being familiar with it and accepting that it won't get the better of me; early days yet so I don't know if the naming is working.
I have had a "good" day in the last few weeks, I don't know what made it good I was just aware of a feeling that I really haven't felt for such a long time and it's given me hope that I am on the way to recovery.
I still haven't had a report from either psychiatrist (both appointments were over a month ago). The first one I saw recommended a change to the medications I take for sleep by adding in a second tablet. One of it's effects was to lower blood pressure so I had to stop my usual blood pressure tablet but the new tablets made me have vivid dreams and I was constantly tired, I never felt refreshed when I got up (I even took to nanna naps some afternoons) so I'm back on just my original sleeper and blood pressure tablets. I still wake often through the night but when I do get up I feel refreshed.
I don't know what the plan is for return to work, my GP still doesn't think I'm well enough to go back; she thinks my sleep pattern is an indication for how I'm travelling but I feel like I'm getting nearer to that point which is a huge step forward for me. I still don't feel I could cope with direct patient care or returning to my previous role but I'm sure there is something out there that I'll be able to do - when I've improved a bit more.
It feels so good to write something positive...